If I know then what I know now

Supposing I could return in the past, I have a point that I would like to do again.

I would like to return the point when I was a junior high school student at third grade.

At that time, I was desperate to pass the high school that has a great popularity and fame. As a result, I had little entrance examination neurosis.

When I was a junior high school student at first and second grade, I practiced table tennis hard and obtained good prize at table tennis contest and scored relative good rating in school and cram school. So I do club activity and study smoothly.  

However, when I became a third grade in a junior high school, the situation that surrounded me was changed. The club activity and entrance examination study became very hard and busy. Then only I could tackle both halfway. As a result it became impossible for me to obtain good prize at contest and good score at examination. I was impatient about that situation. At that time, I tended to care about the surrounding eye more than needed. So I had complex that I must get good record at club activity and good score at exam.

Although I tried very hard, results are not followed. At last I became desperate and depressed. I became to hate studying, and absent from cram school without permission. This bad situation continued until finishing entrance exam. So I did not study at all. I only played.

As expected, my entrance examination was failed.

This is that I repent most in my life. I do not repent of the result that my entrance examination was failed.

I repent of the things that cared about the public eye too much, missed myself, and gave up studying. So If I know then what I know now, I want to go back the point when I was a junior high school student at third grade. I would like to tackle club activity and study without caring about the public eye too much and giving up. Although there is no telling whether I finished entrance exam with the best result or not, I think that expected result is completely better than that time on condition that I did that way.

However, I think that I do not feel like returning the point when I was a junior high school student at third grade. That is because the redoing of junior high school life means that the lost of my high school life that I had experienced. I tried hard to reform myself at high school and at last I achieved that. So I could pass the examination and enter Tsukuba University. This experience was very precious experience for me and also important experience for me. That experience occupies at large part of me. So I do not want to return and redo my junior high school life.